Bill’s Blog

Latest blog posts:

Sex

For the first half century or so of a man’s life after puberty – or at least my life, it often seemed that everything was about sex. Wonderful. Demanding. Challenging. Perfect. Not Perfect. And so on. Then came prostate surgery ...
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Moving On

This is humbling. I do not have cancer. My energy is returned. I went for a run and I was not tired. I wonder how much of my tiredness before was related to low iron and how much to fear ...
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I Am Cancer

I apologize for my absence. I have been tired for several months, I have been afraid and I have been denying that I am afraid. For a long time, I said to myself that I was only afraid of screwing ...
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Panic

I am not sure that I really understood how I felt when I was first diagnosed. I think it was a kind of panic. I was trying to find out exactly what was happening to me and what could happen ...
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Stay

It has taken me most of a lifetime to realize that I usually try to avoid feeling pain – by getting busy, by starting something new, by thinking of another time – by doing anything except feeling. At some point ...
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Morning Counts

Not everything about my cancer was sad or scary. I still had to get up in the morning and do things. It seemed sort of funny, in a way, that while I was worried about treating my cancer, impotence and ...
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Doctor

If I had it to do over, I would be much more assertive and much less trusting. I didn’t ask my surgeon how successful he had been, what his strengths were, his failures, and so forth. If I had it ...
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Decide

Every professional I saw tried their best. My surgeon recommended a prostatectomy, my radiologist recommended radiation, my counselor didn’t recommend any specific course, but said that watchful waiting would be a possibility. In the end, with a Gleason score of ...
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Poison

Poison. Betrayal. Despair. When I wrote this poem, I was flailing about. It seemed so unjust that my body, and in particular, that part of my body which had, throughout my life, brought unimaginable physical and spiritual pleasure, would now ...
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Fear

I have had what seems to me to be an odd experience with fear as I went through the stages of diagnosis, treatment and recovery. Odd in that I did not actually feel afraid. I knew that my cancer could ...
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